Get ready to roll your eyes and groan because it’s time for some best dad jokes! Whether you’re a dad yourself, or just appreciate the fine art of punny humor, these jokes are guaranteed to make you laugh (or at least make you chuckle awkwardly). 

So grab your best “dad” smile, and let the groans begin! 😄

Best Dad Jokes

• Why do skeletons not fight? They don’t have the guts.
• I played piano by ear, but now I play by hand.
• What is orange and has a parrot sound? A carrot.
• I am reading a book about anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down!
• I said to my wife, “You are drawing your eyebrows too high.” She looked surprised.
• I’m terrible at math, but I do know 1 + 1 = 2. unless you’re dating.
• Why did the scarecrow receive an award? Because he was exceptional in his field!
• I don’t trust stairs. They’re always plotting something.
• I said to my wife, “You’re the only one I’ve ever loved.” and she believed me. She’s my first wife.
• Why don’t eggs make jokes? They might crack up.
• I was a baker, but I couldn’t earn enough dough.
• I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. I just took a day off!
• Why do cows have hooves and not feet? Because they are lactose.
• I was a butcher, but I couldn’t make the cut.
• I have a wonderful joke about construction, but I’m still hammering it out.

Dad Jokes

• What is a skeleton’s worst room? The living room!
• I have friends who are all electricians they’re surprisingly good people.
• Why are skeletons never out in the snow? They don’t have enough body heat!
• I’m dieting, but I’m not doing anything. I’m just on a “see food” diet.
• Did you hear about the man who came up with the knock-knock joke? He won the “no-bell” prize.
• I informed my wife that I would create a belt from watches. It was a waste of time.
• Why did the math textbook cry? Because it had too many problems.
• I don’t believe in acupuncture. They’re backstabbers.
• I once worked at a job that involved being a professional cricket player, but I was stumped.
• I do have a joke about building construction, but I’m still a work in progress.
• What is the most musical component of a fish? The scales!
• What’s fake spaghetti called? An impasta.
• Why do oysters not share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
• I worked in a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• What’s sticky and brown? A stick.

Funny Dad Jokes

• I didn’t know why I was being pursued by a black-and-white striped vehicle… then I noticed it was a panda.
• I became a professional cricket player. I was bowled over.
• How do you plan a space party? You planet!
• What do you call a snowman with six-pack abs? An abominable snowman!
• Why do seagulls fly across the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
• I’m writing a book on reverse psychology. Don’t purchase it.
• I swallowed some food coloring by accident. The doctor says I’m fine, but I feel as though I’ve colored a bit inside.
• My wife said I should do lunges to keep in shape. That would be a giant leap forward.
• I’m reading a book on anti-gravity, it’s impossible to put down!
• I don’t play football because I like the game. I play because I don’t want to get kicked.
• I was a baker once, but I couldn’t produce enough dough.
• Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Fantastic food, no ambiance.
• I dreamed that I was a muffler… I woke up tired!
• I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt, then I remembered I was wearing a skirt.
• What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.

Dad Jokes 2024

• I was trying to figure out why the frisbee was getting bigger and bigger… until it hit me.
• Why did the photo go to prison? Because it was framed!
• I don’t believe in acupuncturists. They’re back stabbers.
• I visited a seafood disco last night… and pulled a mussel.
• What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!”
• I have a construction joke, but I’m still hammering it out.
• What do you name cheese that belongs to someone else? Nacho cheese.
• I once worked as a professional cricket player, but I was stuck.
• I explained to my wife that she was the only person I’ve ever loved. She believed me.
• Why don’t skeletons fight with each other? They don’t have guts.
• What is a skeleton’s least favorite room? The living room!
• I’m dieting, but it’s failing. I’m just on a “see food” diet.
• Did you hear about the fellow who came up with the knock-knock joke? He won the “no-bell” prize.
• I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
• I was a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

Bad Dad Jokes

• I informed my wife she was penciling her eyebrows too high. She appeared astonished.
• I informed my wife she was the only woman I’ve ever loved… and she trusted me.
• Why don’t cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work, I suppose!
• I played the piano by ear, but now I play with my hands.
• Why won’t eggs tell a joke? They may crack up.
• I was once a baker, but I wasn’t able to make sufficient dough.
• What do you name pretend spaghetti? An impasta!
• I’m not great at math, but I know 1 plus 1 is 2. unless you are in a relationship.
• I don’t like stairs. They are always up to something.
• What is brown and sticky? A stick.
• Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have guts.
• I am reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down!
• I told my wife she was the only one I’ve ever loved… and she believed me. She’s my first wife.
• I have a great joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!

Dad Jokes for Adults

• I told my wife she was the only one I’ve ever loved. She told me this is my third marriage.
• I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
• I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
• What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
• I received a reversible coat for Christmas. I can hardly wait to see how it works out.
• I had a nightmare that I was a muffler… I woke up tired!
• I informed my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She was surprised.
• I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
• I was once a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
• I don’t trust people who do acupuncture. They’re back stabbers.
• I’ve got a great joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
• I told my wife she was the only one I’ve ever loved. She believed me. She’s my first wife.
• What’s the most musical part of a fish? The scales!
• I asked my wife whether she had seen my newspaper. She informed me that she had already placed it in the recycling bin. 
• What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing but let out a little wine.

Good Dad Jokes

• What is fake spaghetti called? An impasta!
• I’m currently reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
• Why don’t skeletons get along with each other? They don’t have the guts.
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
• I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
• What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
• I was once a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
• I explained to my wife that she was the only person I’ve ever loved… and she believed me.
• I can’t believe that I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
• Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!
• What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing but let out a little wine.
• I don’t play football because I like the sport. I play because I don’t want to get kicked.
• I have a construction joke, but I’m trying to work out the punchline.
• I got hired at a bakery because I needed dough.
• Why do cows have hooves and not feet? Because they are lactose!

Dad Jokes for Kids

• What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
• Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it’d be a foot!
• What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
• What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
• Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work!
• What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abominable snowman!
• Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well!
• Why don’t skeletons get along? They don’t have the guts!
• Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they’re very, very good at it.
• What is the most musical aspect of a fish? The scales!
• How do you throw a space party? You planet!
• Why was the math book depressed? It had too many problems!
• What did one wall say to the other? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
• Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
• How do you catch a squirrel? Climb up in a tree and act like a nut!

Dirty Dad Jokes

• What is brown and sticky? A stick.
• Why won’t eggs make jokes? They might crack up!
• What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved.
• Why do cows have hooves rather than feet? Because they are lactose.
• What’s a skeleton’s worst room? The living room!
• Why was the math book unhappy? It had too many problems.
• I can’t believe I lost my job at the calendar factory. All I did was stay home one day!
• I dreamed that I was a muffler. I woke up tired!
• I said to my wife, I’ve never loved anyone except you. and she believed me.
• I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t produce enough dough.
• Why was the scarecrow given an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
• I know a terrific joke about construction but I am in the process of working it out.
• I’m attempting to slim down but my efforts aren’t yielding anything. I am only on a “see food” diet.
• I used to be able to play the piano by ear but nowadays I use my hands.
• What’s the term for an imitation noodle? An impasta!

Dad Jokes 2025

• What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room? The living room!
• Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work!
• I told my wife she was the only one I’ve ever loved. She believed me—this is my third marriage.
• Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed!
• I’m no good at math, but I know 1 + 1 equals 2… unless you’re in a relationship.
• What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
• Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
• Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
• I’m trying to lose weight, but it’s not working. I’m just on a “see food” diet.
• I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
• What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
• I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
• Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they’re really, really good at it.
• What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
• What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved.

Halloween Dad Jokes

• Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind!
• What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper.
• What kind of key opens a haunted house? A spooky!
• Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank? He always wanted to work with “stakeholders.
• Why do ghosts love to go to parties? Because they have a great time.
• What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite!
• Why did the zombie go to school? He wanted to improve his “dead”ucation.
• What do ghosts use to keep their pants up? A boo-sted belt!
• What do you call two witches sharing an apartment? Broommates!
• Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had nobody to go with him.
• What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A nectarine!
• Why did the ghost break up with the vampire? He couldn’t handle his bite!
• What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? A fur coat that fangs.
• What did the mummy say to the detective? “I’m wrapped up in this case.”
• What’s a vampire’s favorite type of music? Anything that’s neck-tional!

Conclusion: Best Dad Jokes

Dad jokes have a timeless charm that never fails to bring a smile, a groan, or even a good laugh! 

Whether they’re “good,” “bad,” or somewhere in between, these jokes always have a way of lightening the mood. 

FAQS: Best Dad Jokes